opendna is a jerk

This diary started out as an “I’m worse than Kos” comment mated with a Carnacki comment. Maybe it was inspired by mentaldebris. It went from an egotistical rant to, well, just a rant I guess. Feel free to rant in the comments and add tags as you see fit..I had to get this out so I could stop being a jerk in the comments and write something interesting. I’d apologize to everyone who probably deserves it, but it would take too long and you know who you are.It starts like this:

I am an honest-to-goodness Marin County hot-tub-er. I’m a latte-sipping liberal. I smoke, I drink, I have sex out of wedlock. I think gay and lesbian couples are cute and I advocate inter-racial parentage as a solution to racism. I have a dream, and it’s Pat Buchanan’s nightmare. I’m from San Francisco.

I believe that marriage is a sacred compact and that American government is godless, and therefore has no business marrying anybody. I advocate replacing any reference to “marriage” in any law with “civil union”. I support expanding the definition of “civil union” to include anyone in a household, including adult children and platonic roommates. The holiday season would be better without th War on Christmas.

I believe in the separation of church and state more than I believe in God. I defend the right of pagans and Satanists to practice their religion without interference and vigorously defend both against slander from uppity Christian fundamentalists. I believe that if there is a God, he either doesn’t know we exist or he’s a worthless bastard. If he weren’t one or the other, he would have gone already gone New Testament on Jerry Farwell. Pat Robertson is a false prophet who should be stoned, with rocks or billiard balls. Your choice.

If James Dobson were to announce that gravity sucked I would reconsider my understanding of physics.

I dropped out of a Washington DC International Relations program because I was so offended that the department taught that pre-emptive nuclear warfare was rational, and the USA is a homogeneous nation-state… and I refused to borrow $200,000 for tuition. I graduated debt-free because of the Clinton Economy.

I believe in Canadian-style socialized medicine and French-style gun control.

Corruption of public officials should be a capital offense and both Abramoff and Delay should be strapped into the electric chair. Ann Coulter should be incarcerated for making terrorist threats and Jesse Helms should be jailed for making death threats against President Clinton. We should pardon the millions of non-violent drug offenders.

Ritalin is a strong drug that should only be used recreationally by responsible adults who find it at the gas station next to the “Trucker’s Speed”. Childhood ADD should be medicated with marijuana brownies.

I wrote that “the culture of impunity is the bastard child of corruption and incompetence, which both sprang forth from the Gingrich Revolution fully formed with malignant intentions.” I meant it.

The Republican Party is a lesion on the legislature and a cancer on the Constitution. When Hunter S Thompson wrote that four more years of GW Bush would be like four years of syphilis, he was being too kind. The Republican administration exhibits syphilitic insanity but the Good Doctor forgot to diagnose the herpes on our national political body. There is no end to the abominations sired by this promiscuous mutant Republican philosophy, but syphilis can be cured. I admit my suspicion that the Mr. Bush is an angry dry-drunk and his judgment suggests cocaine-induced brain damage.

The Republican Party has defiled the alphabet with its use of the letter “R”. The Republican Party is an oxymoron, as every day it exhibits a preference for monarchy. I would call it the Monarchic Party, but we only have 25 unsoiled letters left.

I believe that the crimes against the Constitution by the Republican government warrant charges of treason. I suspect that there are so many defendants for “Aiding and Abetting” that Congress would fail quorum.

“Feminazi” is for wimps.

I feel better. Thanks.

Oh, right: opendna (archaic: OpenDNA) is the application of Open Source principles to genetic information. GNU meets Monsanto. It seemed like a good idea in 1997.