The Department of Homeland Security is finally in
effect. Well, kinda. I mean, nobody
actually knows what’s changed so we’re doing everything we were doing
yesterday. Except we’re instead of answering the phone “INS, Inspector
So-an-so” we’re supposed to say “Bureau of Customs and Border Protection
within the Department of Homeland Security, Inspector So-an-so”. Go ahead:
try it!

Hey, someone thought that was a good idea.

Anyway, now the INS is officially dead, I’d like to take this moment to
share some thoughts on our dearly departed bureaucracy. It was often
feared, frequently maligned, rarely exalted and almost never understood.
The unfair attacks that were leveled against the INS, may it rest in
pieces, fill volumes. I now offer a brief frisking of the insults, for
your own edification.

Experts had long noted the fundamental inconsistency of an agency
charged with keeping out many would-be immigrants while helping others
achieve legal status and citizenship—and simultaneously doing
relatively little to search for and deport the millions of illegal
immigrants already in the United States.

Personally, I don’t see any inconsistency in having the same people who
grant permissions enforce penalties. Such a situation provides a carrot
and a stick to would-be immigrants under a single authority. As for
searching for and deporting illegal immigrants already in the states:
there are more than 9 million illegal immigrants in California alone. Can
you image the sort of police actions that would be required to arrest,
detain and remove 9 million people?

No, the “inconsitency” comes from having waivers and exemptions that allow
people who are in the U.S. illegally to jump the cue and avoid adverse
action. How are you going to enforce immigration laws when someone who has
violated all the laws about entering the country is still a contender for
citizenship? Blame congress for that one.

Then we get down to the simple stuff like “it takes so LONG for paper to
get processed.” Yeah, well, blame Reagan. It was his idea to let give
everyone illegally in the country a green card so they could petition on
behalf of their family members. Applications grow geometrically. Try from
outside the U.S. like you’re supposed to.

“The INS denied my visa/issued visas to terrorists/etc.” No, the INS did
not. The State Deparment handles visas. If the INS handled visas they
would refuse them to countries which refused to recieve deported citizens
or had high rates of immigration violations. If 60% of your tourists never
go home (as an entirely hypothetical example without any reference
in real life…) the INS would just close up shop. The DOS isn’t so
concerned.

“They’re paranoid.” We’re paranoid so you don’t have to be.

(Hey, I’m going to suggest that be put in latin on the seal of the DHS.)