This year, I resolve:

1. To worship a snowman.
2. To smash a Christmas tree angel.
3. To set fire to a chocolate bunny.
4. To allege that the holiday ham is in fact a raindeer.
5. To steal a plastic Jesus from a nativity scene and donate it to Goodwill.
6. To embrace Santa as my lord and savior.

…I ran out of good ones. Help me out?