Yesterday an anti-terrorist sweep by the British police forces disrupted planned attacks against trans-continental airlines. The sweep, triggered by a warning from under-cover agents, netted over 20 would-be airplane bombers under government surveillance. It is understood that terrorists intended to board flights to the US with component liquids which could be mixed in-flight to produce bombs capable of bringing down aircraft.<\/p>\n
In response, the United States has instituted a prohibition on boarding flights with any liquid – not even a coffee purchased inside the security zone. The Homeland Security Threat Level was raised to Red somewhere. The Governor of California has called out the National Guard to protect airports.<\/p>\n
…To protect us from people who want to carry shampoo and conditioner into the airplane lavatory and mix nitroglycerine from the contents. NEW RULE: If you try to wash your hair at 40,000 feet, we will beat you and turn you over to the FBI.<\/p>\n
In other news: Lamont defeated Lieberman in the Connecticut Senatorial Primary. Democrats rejoice nationwide. Karl Rove offers support to Lieberman’s bid as an independent. Republican dignitaries go on TV to argue whether Connecticut voters are Al Queda members or just Taliban supporters.<\/p>\n